look back
and you’ll find a boy hot on your trail. smiling
at your arms outstretched. reaching for something called
horizon. the cold breeze. the gloveless fingers. I don’t mind
if you’re in front. if somehow. I could frame this place
on a map of us. I’ll tell you a secret:
(I don’t know if I’ve ever felt more alive)
I’m wobbling through bad memories like a dream.
escaping the cops. running from hell. wherever I am
I am here. in motion. watching you bob your head to the
same song. don’t slow down for me. I swear I’ll catch up.
I have so much to learn about falling. I have so much to give up
to strangers. taking a polaroid. writing a poem. sitting on the roof
of ourselves. watching a sunset. how we dream of each other
when we’re in each other’s arms. how a building I think
never forgets where it came from as long as we remember
what came before it. like that 7/11 near your old house in Joyce.
or that pho place near mine. this city is a minefield
and we could blow up any second. so when they demolish
this apartment. summer 2025. for a high rise that towers
over our clouded heads. and nothing is left
but the twin bed we slept in with our limbs tucked into each other
like shelves in the community library near my mom’s house
in Bulacan. I will help us collect the pieces of ourselves.
I know you know pain. and maybe
I do too. but for now. I’ll chase you.
down the waterfront. the creek. the park. the mountain.
anywhere. if this is what happiness is let me follow it.
if this is what a life can become let me live it.
fuck Orpheus. fuck mythology. fuck old ass parables.
you don’t have to trust me to know that I’ll follow.
you don’t have to see me to know that I’m there.
I will be.
so look back at me.
look back.
look back.
look back.
Adam Arca is a Filipino migrant rights organizer and writer living on unceded Musqueam territory (Vancouver, BC). A son to migrant workers from Bulacan and Cebu, their work is informed by care and liberation movements from Turtle Island to the Philippines. Their work has appeared in Briarpatch Magazine, amongst others.
